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Grins and Snickers
I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.   
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"
Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a table.   
"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes."   
They were seated immediately.
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The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would "hate" to have to make a living under the laws they have passed.
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All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom. The bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.   
The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.   
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.   

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully, "Give me one last request, dear," he said.   
"Of course, John," his wife said softly.   
"Six months after I die," John said, "I want you to marry Bob."   
"But I thought you hated Bob," she said..
With his last breath John said, "I do!"   
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A man goes to see the Rabbi. '   
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I    have to talk to you about it."   
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"   
The man replied, "My wife is going to poison me."   
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"   
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's going to poison me.What should I do?"   
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."   
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to    your wife on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?   
The man said, "Yes" and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."